It’s April 3rd. This day has not held much significance in the past, but today is different, today Gavin and I are starting our relationship.
I want to be honest about something: I’m fucking terrified.
I’ve known this man for a long time, nearly three years. Before there were any romantic feelings, we referred to each other as ‘soul friends’ and that’s exactly what it has felt like. We deeply connected the first time we met and that connection has only strengthened over time.
For nearly 8 months, a real romantic relationship between us has been either forbidden due to marriage or avoided due to bad timing.
Now, today, I am sitting across the table from him and he is my boyfriend.
Under normal circumstances, this would make anyone excitedly jump into a delightful love bubble for the next ___ months. In the past I have fallen face-first into the Honeymoon phase… you know the one… can’t think about anything else, having so much sex you get a UTI, unable to go 5 minutes without bringing up his name.
It’s different for us. We already know each other so well. We’ve already seen each other naked. We’ve already said ‘I love you’. We’ve covered so many of the big relationship milestones without even being in a relationship that I’m experiencing something to the effect of emotional whiplash.
I’m reminded of one of my favorite movies, When Harry Met Sally, and find myself wanting to know what happened after he made his poetic declaration of love on New Year’s Eve:
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
What happened next? How did they navigate the rocky terrain of friend-turned-boy/girlfriend? What’s the love that comes after the initial I love you? What’s the new normal when you’re not pining for something you can’t have? What comes after the chase?
When a will-they-won’t-they TV relationship finally resolves, the intrigue and allure of the story line usually goes stale. Will that happen to us?
It’s so strange that this feels like the beginning and also the end.
I know something has ended, the question is, now what?