I notice that I’ve been putting off sharing the full details of this love story. I realize this is ridiculous because here I am sharing every day of my relationship except for how the damn thing actually got started.
For this, I apologize. I have been putting off sharing because the whole thing still carries a fair amount of shame for me.
You see, I fell in love with Gavin while I was still married to Evan.
My marriage had grown stale and complacent a couple years before but that doesn’t change the fact that I started something new before ending the old.
This is a reality that I am learning to accept. This post helps because our story is beautiful and I want, so badly, to commit it to writing.
We had been friends for nearly two years when we both found ourselves in New York City for different reasons. I was there to interview designers for Fashion Week and he was there to lead a workshop at a social-impact conference.
The first night I arrived, I lugged my overfilled suitcase up the tiny staircase to my questionable Airbnb. Skimping on transportation and accommodation is a mindset that has been graciously passed to me by my mother.
I stepped inside and knew that this would be the last time.
The place felt like an honest-to-god prison. Cold, grey walls, one tiny window covered in dust, a mattress on the floor. The only hint at warmth was a tiny gold sticker stuck to the wall by the light switch, it was worn and faded but you could still make out RAD! in purple lettering.
I set down my bag, threw on some fresh deodorant, and practically leaped out of the door. Once safely on the street, I realized the flaw in my plan. I had absolutely nowhere to be.
I stood there for a little while, absentmindedly watching a well-dressed man search for half-smoked cigarettes on the ground outside of a laundromat.
Oh thank god, someone is texting me. I looked down at my phone and a text from Gavin appeared on the screen.
G : Welcome to New York! Any chance you’re interested in coming to a dinner with the conference crew tonight?
Side Note: This will not be the last time he has eerily good timing.
Two hours later, thanks to a slight transportation snafu that abandoned me in a Long Island rail yard, I found myself in front of the steps to the dinner.
What unfolded over the next 48 hours feels like too much to contain in one post, so I am going to take you on a journey of some highlights over the next few days.
One thing I know for sure: you can fall in love in an instant. One moment you will be close friends, laughing and talking with seamless familiarity, and then, in the next moment, the light around them changes and you can never, will never see them in the old light again.
You can’t un-see love no matter how inconvenient.