Distance does funny things to relationships, especially new ones.
I have spent a total of one week away over the last two weeks and the contrast is wildly obvious.
When face to face, G is talkative, affectionate, inquisitive. But when I leave town or he does, it’s different.
When traveling, I’ve found that I am more playful and conversational on text or phone, it helps me feel connected to him.
The problem is that I don’t hear from him for hours. He doesn’t ask me questions about my day and he is rarely the first to start a conversation in the morning. This became blatantly obvious to me today.
We shared a phone call in which I asked him questions about his day. He would tell me something then….. silence. I would ask him another question, he would tell me something then…. silence. There wasn’t one question for me. No invitation to talk about what was taking place in my corner of the world at all. I eventually said I had to go.
I hate feeling dejected and resentful but I do and I don’t know how to bring it to his attention.
I’m reminded of one of my favorite Nayyirah Waheed poems:
i am mine.
before i am ever anyone else’s.
Am I feeling like this because too much of my emotional well-being is dependent on the actions of someone outside of myself?