As of one week ago, many of the ideas I’ve had around a certain topic have finally fallen into clarity. It feels like I am on the brink of uncovering my life’s work, the thing that I am really here to say. The problem is: I’m terrified of this possibility.
Every time I sit down to brainstorm, ideas, stories, connections flow out of me with ease. It’s the deepest state of flow I’ve ever experienced. I seemingly ‘fall into’ the work.
Once I pull myself out of the flow and get some healthy distance, the ideas seem far away and vague. Then I sit down with them and am again fully immersed.
I can see that the fruits of this flow state are important. Something wishes to come through me, I am just having fear and doubt around being the right person for the job.
My biggest fear, however, is that I will procrastinate and fear-away this gift. Suddenly I will look up and be 70 years old and never have found the courage to bring it to life.
In an attempt to make peace with this crippling fear, I am here writing to you about it. Seeing my fear on the page makes it feel less catastrophic, it loses some of its power. I can see that it’s a wicker fence, not a wall. I can see through it, it’s not finite.