As of one week ago, many of the ideas I’ve had around a certain topic have finally fallen into clarity. It feels like I am on the brink of uncovering my life’s work, the thing that I am really here to say. The problem is: I’m terrified of this possibility. Every time I sit down to brainstorm, ideas, stories, connections flow out of me with ease. It’s the deepest state of flow I’ve ever experienced. I seemingly ‘fall into’ the work. Once I pull myself out of the flow and get some healthy distance, the ideas seem far away and vague. Then I sit down with them and am again fully immersed. I can see that the fruits of this flow state are important. Something wishes to come through me, I am just having fear and doubt around being the right person for the job. My biggest fear, however, is that I will procrastinate and fear-away this gift. Suddenly I will look up and be 70 years old and never have found the courage to …
It’s 2:21 on a sunny Friday afternoon and I have accomplished exactly NOTHING. I woke up by immediately getting on my phone to check email and everything has been downhill from there.
This morning I’m contemplating the importance of ritual and how they have the power to infuse our lives with meaning, reverence, and intention.
Separation is brutal no matter what, but having to add the government into the mix makes everything so much more unpleasant.
In the grand scheme of things, my divorce has been mild in comparison to the horror stories I’ve heard. To start, we never had kids or bought a home together. These two things alone take the separation from a 10 to about a 5 on the Richter scale of emotional upheaval.
It’s never a good sign when you start the day at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. and your outfit includes long underwear under your yoga pants.
Yes, today is the day that I rafted the Rio Grande ‘Box’ with my Dad and one of his closest friends.
Well, technically, we couldn’t raft the actual ‘Box’ because there wasn’t enough water but we froze our asses off in level 2-4 rapids anyway.
Distance does funny things to relationships, especially new ones.
I have spent a total of one week away over the last two weeks and the contrast is wildly obvious.
When face to face, G is talkative, affectionate, inquisitive. But when I leave town or he does, it’s different.
When traveling, I like to be more playful and conversational on text or phone, it helps me feel connected to him. This is unlike me.
Yesterday, Gavin called one of his closest friends to give him the good news about our new relationship.
His friend had jumped around excitedly exclaiming ‘Yes, yes, yes!’