As of one week ago, many of the ideas I’ve had around a certain topic have finally fallen into clarity. It feels like I am on the brink of uncovering my life’s work, the thing that I am really here to say. The problem is: I’m terrified of this possibility. Every time I sit down to brainstorm, ideas, stories, connections flow out of me with ease. It’s the deepest state of flow I’ve ever experienced. I seemingly ‘fall into’ the work. Once I pull myself out of the flow and get some healthy distance, the ideas seem far away and vague. Then I sit down with them and am again fully immersed. I can see that the fruits of this flow state are important. Something wishes to come through me, I am just having fear and doubt around being the right person for the job. My biggest fear, however, is that I will procrastinate and fear-away this gift. Suddenly I will look up and be 70 years old and never have found the courage to …
It’s 2:21 on a sunny Friday afternoon and I have accomplished exactly NOTHING. I woke up by immediately getting on my phone to check email and everything has been downhill from there.
This morning I’m contemplating the importance of ritual and how they have the power to infuse our lives with meaning, reverence, and intention.
It’s never a good sign when you start the day at the ungodly hour of 6 a.m. and your outfit includes long underwear under your yoga pants.
Yes, today is the day that I rafted the Rio Grande ‘Box’ with my Dad and one of his closest friends.
Well, technically, we couldn’t raft the actual ‘Box’ because there wasn’t enough water but we froze our asses off in level 2-4 rapids anyway.
Today I am missing my ex-husband.
I’m not missing our home, I’m not missing going out to dinner with him, and I’m certainly not missing the loneliness I felt for most of our relationship.
No, today I am missing the comfort of his love.
My soon-to-be-ex husband went out of town this week for work and said that I could come by the apartment to get the last of my things while he was away. I hadn’t been back to ‘our’ home in over a month. I went over right after nightfall to avoid an awkward neighbor run-in and immediately felt a sense of unease when I pulled into the complex.
You are halfway around the world. Only just starting your day.
You’re basking in sun and novelty while I am blanketed by night and cold and loneliness.
Do you feel lonely at night too?